boysI’m walking along the ocean with my two golden retrievers. I pass this woman.

“They’re off a little late today.” She says, referring to the plane that is taking off over the ocean.

I look up, startled that this princess is speaking directly to me.  Ringlets of auburn hair drape her tan and beaming face.  Large green eyes tear into me, rip through me.  She smiles.  Her moist puffy lips part revealing big white blocks of perfect teeth.  Is she for real?  I wonder.

Her attempt to communicate seems driven by a more desperate need.  Sexual.  It has to be that, or she could have easily chatted up some seagull.  They love idle chatter.  Pelicans won’t stand for it.

“You know the schedule of the plane?” I asked her.

“No.” She replied, “That plane was late off the runway. Sometimes they take off early on the runway, sometimes late, you just never know.” She said sincerely.

I like complicated girls, but only second to all the other ones.

She looked at my dogs. “Handsome puppy dogs. Are they yours?”

Odd question, considering I was holding two leashes and throwing them a ball. “No, actually I’m just a friend.”

“Oh, do they live with you?” She asked naively.

“No. They have their own apartment. I’m their trainer.  This one is Max Lufthansa from the Captain Newcastle show on NBC.  Have you heard of it?”  She shook her head no, but she was slightly impressed. “Yeah, the other one is his stunt double.”

“Do you take them everyday? I saw you here yesterday.”  She said.

“Yeah, the dogs call me after they’ve had their coffee and scones in the morning.”

This was the first time she sensed I was fucking with her.  She laughed and shoved me.  We walked together and talked for over an hour.  She told me she was straight. A Straight Minor, with a Major curiosity, I thought.

She asked me for my number but I knew she wouldn’t call.  Straight Girls may want a fling, an adventure, but when it comes to making a call, their fingers won’t dial sequentially.  They’re a little late off the runway.

I refused to give her my digits.  She liked that.  She pushed me down on the sand underneath a lifeguard tower.

“Hey look, whoever you are….”  I struggled to get up.

“Claudia.”  She interrupted, leaning in to suck my lower lip.

“Well, that’s a fine name, but I’m not some common creampuff who you can just press into the sand.” I said squirming.

“Oh,” she dabbed my mouth with her tongue.

“You girls think you can do whatever you want just because you’re great looking.”

“I’m sorry.” She said, pinning me with her arms and legs that shut me up for good.

She tortured me thoroughly before finishing me off in the back of her Toyota 4Runner.  I think I might get one of those. They’re so roomy.

I asked her out to dinner before I left her, but she said she was involved.  “Well do I ever get to see you again?”  I regretted saying as soon as it leapt from my mouth.

“It’s always up to fate isn’t it?  Just like the planes.”  She said as she kissed me goodbye.

I was reduced to a girl watching her drive away and still smelling the leather interior on my hands.  I love that new car smell.  I could do without the yearning.