This is what people want at the supposed end of their love relationship.  This can never be attempted over the phone.  One person, usually the partner hanging by a thread, will insist the “closure” take place in person.  It may involve going to a coffee house, light dinner or local bar.  Occasionally the meeting will begin with the best sex the couple ever had together conducted on the floor, back seat of the car, or the coffee house privy.


What does a person want when they say they want closure?

a)  They want to move on.

b)  They want  the obsessive thoughts of love and revenge to end.

c)  They want to get back together but are too proud or scared to admit it.


The truth about Closure:

Closure never involves two people.  Two people can’t get closure together, they will only get back together or in another fight.  Closure happens in one persons’ peaceful loving mind.  It involves forgiveness, grace and sometimes years of counseling.


The truth about Cats and Closure:

Closure may involve a cat dispute.  The cat should go with whatever parent it feels most comfortable hearing cry night after night.  SEE Dogs.


The truth about Dogs and Closure:

Dogs don’t like break-ups.  The dog or dogs will always have things they like best about both partners.  Mommy plays tug of war better.  Daddy is Daddy; he brings home the biscuit’s.  When doggies parents separate, the dog feels its loyalties must be divided and dogs dislike the ambiguity.  A scratching habit will likely ensue.


When is it okay to see someone who has just broken up with you?

One year after you have completely forgotten her middle name.

There is no time limit for healing.  Some women heal within hours of a heavy menstrual flow and others may take until menopause.  Guys can be women, too.


Are you ready to see someone who has unintentionally made you feel as if your heart were a sink stopper:

a)  Are you dying for a drink, a smoke, an IV hook up, or the valium you’ve hung on to for so long you’ve forgotten if they worked in the first place, and what the effects are like.

b)  Have you changed you clothing twelve times just after the last phone conversation you had with her/him?

c)  Did you shave any hair completely off your body?

d)  Have you applied enough make-up and hair gel to require another shower ?

e)  Did you boil a dildo?

If answering yes to any of the above:

You are not ready to see this amorphous entity that sucked all of your life force with a measly handheld vacuum.  If you see that person now, they will just cook whatever leftover bits of your heart weren’t fully fried in the blast.  Immerse yourself in things you liked to do when you remembered who you really were.  Tetherball was always fun.


My most recent ex-girlfriend, called me today and wanted to get with me to have some closure.  I said, “I’m good.  I don’t need any.”

She said, “Maybe I need it.”

So I agreed to see her.  Of course, I was excited.  I love her.  I miss her.  I want to climb up and down her body with a search warrant.  Then she calls me after she’s had a few cocktails and says, “Maybe we should postpone, or you should come over here or something.”

I was burning incense.  I was wearing patchouli.  I had bathed.


The moral or the story is:

Don’t pretend you can help them get closure just because you would love to see them.  Closure is received in solitude.  High pitched screaming and bright lights singeing the retinas’ comes from shared space closure.

So the idea of Closure is a ruse to get Closer.  It’s a diabolically painful existence, teetering on the edge of loving and leaving someone.  Of course, things weren’t working, spurring the leaving bit, but the loving stuff doesn’t suddenly just say,  “Oh, this isn’t working, shut the love down.  No more loving feelings.”

This is not a popcorn movie.  Instead the love stays fresh, memories are cued with their own soundtrack.  Crying jags ensue.  The crying bit, is because we can’t have what we want.  Yes, eventually we stop crying, usually after we’ve lost ten pounds and have gotten lots of compliments.  But we can’t enjoy out weight loss.  We can’t even feel our small victory’s because someone took our favorite toy.  Our toy is gone!  Our transitional object is missing!  I hate break-ups.  I haven’t had one good break-up in my life.  Even when I’ve left someone first, I couldn’t jive with at all.  I brainwashed myself that I still wanted to be with her.  Even a hired mind-rinse doesn’t work.  It is expensive and just as painful as the break-up will be eventually in the long run.  I can’t walk out of even an awful film without glancing back at the screen once to see if things improve.  Leaving a relationship always feels like a loss.

Closure should only be discussed years later when you have both fallen in love again with the actual loves of your life.