She’s inside my head.  I put her there, I get that.  I’m completely aware that thoughts create emotions, not the other way around.  So, I have created this frankenstein fantasy for my masochistic viewing entertainment.  I haven’t yet managed to skip the emotional pain after the break-up bit.  I would hit the fast-forward, but the remote sticks on rewind.  While I’m balling uncontrollably, I realize it hurts everywhere.  Then I start laughing inappropriately because I remember a dumb joke.

A woman goes to the Doctor. “Doc,” she says, “I hurt everywhere.”  Then she demonstrates by touching different parts of her body, “I hurt here,” She say’s touching her elbow, her knee, her wrist, she keeps touching spots and saying it hurts.  You get the picture.
Apparently so does the Doctor because he’s already so bored by her display he interrupts her. “Your finger is broken.”
Normally this joke isn’t funny, but suddenly it inspires uncomfortable laughter that turns back into uncontrollable crying.  That’s the funny thing about heartbreak, it has an intangible pain element with seemingly no cure.
Yeah, we all know there is a cure.  Every single one of your friends and family members will offer up the anecdote.  ”Time.”  It takes time.

How to cure a broken heart:

A)  You just gotta go through the feelings.  (This is what everyone tells you beside that time-suck-answer.)

B)  Get back with her.  (This is my favorite answer.  It appeals to my naiveté that believes in fairies, Princesses, Knights and Robin Hood.  Okay, you’re right, I never believed in fairies, except the actual gay ones.)

C)   Fall in love again. (I get it, it’s like hair of the dog that bit you.  The only problem with this is that heartbreak is the Rock-to-Scissors, in the paper-scissors-rock game.  Nice try.)

D)  Have sex with someone new.  (It may feel good temporarily, but when it’s over it increases feelings of emptyness exponentially, creating a subset of problems.)

1) How do I end this mini rebound bounce?
2) That felt uncomfortably numbing. Now I have more I want to forget.
3) Did I leave my belt at her house?

E) Change your life.  It doesn’t get rid of the pain, but your life will look different and eventually it will feel like your own again.

How do you change your life?

1) Read.  Fiction helps you escape your head.  Yeah yeah, reading self-help books on relationships are great, but avoid reading them at restaurant counters.  Someone interesting will inevitably ask you what you’re reading and your answer may not facilitate a new friendship.
2) Go to different stores, coffee houses, restaurants, change work out routines, travel, learn a language, and buy new clothes for fuck sake how long have you had that jacket?  It didn’t fit right when you bought it.
3) Make new friends. You neglected to nurture new friendships while in that,`I’m not saying you were co-dependent’ relationship.  Meet people, socialize. Yes, go to Meet Ups.  But don’t hit on anyone at the Asexual Meet-Up until you really understand the word and feel a kinship.

I have an over-developed sense of object peggs_baazar_don't_crack_that_coneermanence.  I stagger somnambulist style through some days knowing she’s out there, just beyond my grasp, doing things that I’m not privy to know about ever again.  I can’t have the Faustian God-like knowledge of her every move.

Then my mind offers the idea of anti-depressants.  Oh yeah, that will solve this misery.  Numb the pain, at least until you can fire your neurons sensibly again.  That’s it?  I’ve got lapses in my synapses and lousy neuron control.  I know my thoughts control my emotions, not the other way around, and so syllogistically it should follow that if I could simply stop thinking about her, she would cease to exist, at least inside my head.  It’s her rummaging around in there, that evokes my feeling out of my mind, even if it’s just to escape the over-crowding.

Break-ups are never as bad as you think they are unless you’re actually in one.