its_only_water_and_maybe_personality_disorder

Snappy one liners for the short attention span Set

 

I’ve always been dyslexic.  In grade school I sent notes to girls telling them they loved me.

 

The things we edit are most telling about ourselves.  We may use the excuse it doesn’t move the story along.  In truth, it moves the story too far.

 

Yoga sweat feels different than other sweat.  It’s more full of itself.

 

Siri doesn’t get me. I’m not saying she instigates problems, but she misinterprets nearly fettuccine.

 

If you want a girl to go out with, a girl to come home with, a girl you’re in love with, and a girl who loves you, consider not screwing it up by making it be the same girl.

 

Trees, all aspiring thespians, wait to fall when they can be heard.

 

I think a hyperpolyglot just hasn’t met the right language yet.

 

The depth of true misery can rarely be reached alone.

 

The past always looks better in retrospect after you tweaked the lighting and cut the part where you were so bored you thought you could die.

 

I wished she would just call me so I could ask her not to call me again.

 

Nothing is really what you think it is.  Except this sentence, this is exactly what it appears so obviously l’m disappointed.

 

Maybe I’ve lived in Los Angeles too long.  I found myself staring at a sexy manikin and wondering where she works out.

 

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