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Celeste

Celeste

I met Celeste when I was nine and she was twenty-seven.  Granted it was a wide age spread, but I was in my prime and had enough naiveté under my small belt to know that wisdom has little to do with life experience and much more to do with that...
Aphrodite

Aphrodite

Aphrodite   Italians seem Jewish at first glance, until you get into the underpants. Sure they cook and scream and rant, but when you’re sick, compassion’s scant. Irish chicks are wild and frisky, frequently imbibing whisky. If you have a problem with alcohol, she’ll convince you it isn’t any problem...
HUMP

HUMP

The receptionist desk at Hump magazine was of the glass block fishbowl variety.  It’s a popular design in Hollywood.  It gives even the most menial jobholder protection from the laymen off the street.  The receptionist will stand up and scare the hell out of you like a gun turret suddenly...
Speeding

Speeding

I just got back from a long road trip up the central coast.  On the way back I encountered an immobile field of cars lined along PCH from Zuma Beach to Los Flores Canyon.  It was due to Cal Trans’s constant fixation with road repair on the wealthiest highway imaginable. ...
Halloween

Halloween

I met so many women last night I felt like Goldie Locks during her foodie period.  The first one shouldn’t have been first, because she was better than all the rest, but I didn’t know what was to come, so I had to assume I could do better.  Patricia was...
Rave

Rave

  A friend invited me to a Lesbian Rave Fetish Virtual Reality party and I assumed if I said no, another party of its kind would not materialize.  I dug into my closet for the shirt and pants I bought in East Berlin during my rubber fetish period.  After I...
The Narsissist

The Narsissist

The Narsissist I have dated more than my share of narcissists.  I admit I have been greedy with them.  I know they are in high demand and it hasn’t been until recently that I have decided to take a break from that agreeably severe personality disorder and go with something...
Hot Box Girl

Hot Box Girl

I was suckin’ down a few drinks, one light, one dark, just to even out my ulcer, when this chick approaches me.  I’m thinking she digs me, turns out it was just the bartender asking me to get off the bar.  That’s cool, some bartenders can be anal about their...
How Many

How Many

How Many   How many women have you slept with?  Come on, don’t be shy, how many?  Forty-five, you say?  No.  But you’re close.  The actual number is twenty-seven.  This is where you went wrong.  You were counting all the women you’ve loved, courted, been hurt by, and had crushes...
Snappy

Snappy

Snappy one liners for the short attention span Set   I’ve always been dyslexic.  In grade school I sent notes to girls telling them they loved me.   The things we edit are most telling about ourselves.  We may use the excuse it doesn’t move the story along.  In truth,...
Last Film, Last Meal

Last Film, Last Meal

Last film, Last Meal Paul Bartel the actor died one night.  Paul’s young English nephew was devastated upon hearing the news of Pauls’ passing. “Oh Mummy,” He said to his Mum,  “it’s so terrible that Paul died so suddenly.  He absolutely adored film and just last week we went to...
Cleo, Pizza, and the Prince of the Amalfi

Cleo, Pizza, and the Prince of the Amalfi

Cleo, Pizza, and the Prince of the Amalfi. Everything that happens in Europe transpires quickly and on a deficit of sleep.  We raced to catch the one thirty flight leaving Naples.  We were driving a Fiat rental with a pathetic clutch through the back-roads of the Amalfi.   Oh sure, I imagined...
Hurts Donut

Hurts Donut

She’s inside my head.  I put her there, I get that.  I’m completely aware that thoughts create emotions, not the other way around.  So, I have created this frankenstein fantasy for my masochistic viewing entertainment.  I haven’t yet managed to skip the emotional pain after the break-up bit.  I would...
Someone like you, but not you.

Someone like you, but not you.

Someone like you, but not you.   I sat in my new hotel room in Copenhagen listening to Someone Like You by Van Morrison. It was my song with one of my exes.  The song was completely incongruent with the tone of our relationship, but then, songs aren’t so much...
I Never

I Never

I Never   Have you ever played the game called “I Never?”  It’s a drinking game where you begin by making a statement of denial and end up revealing your true self in one sentence. Much like life.  Each person takes a turn mentioning some unfathomable act of debauchery they...
The Dance in Black

The Dance in Black

The Dance in Black   “I’ve been kind of out of circulation,” I said, feeling like some lazy discount bulk mailing.   “Maybe that’s why I’ve never seen you before.”  She said while extending her hand.  I expected her to toss me that limp-fish sideways-aversion shake that some girls mistakenly...
Bridge

Bridge

Bridget didn’t start out scary.  Okay, that’s not completely true.  When I first spotted her across a crowded courtyard bar, she looked devoid of human color and potentially undead.  But I ignore first impressions in trade for self-created uplifting fantasy.  I opt to be disappointed by illusions first, than gaze upon realities disappointments...
Hiking Girl

Hiking Girl

Yesterday morning at four a.m. I was abruptly awakened by a friend drunk-texting that me he loves me, it’s a modern and technologically maladaptive communication of love.  This in turn prompted me to dwell obsessively on problems I’d never solve or remember. Also I was forced to consider whether I would...
French Panties

French Panties

 French Panties   “No!” she yelled from the toilet in the other room, “The answer is no!  I will not marry you!”  I marched toward her voice emanating from the bathroom to find her pulling up her underwear.  I grabbed her around the waist, hoisted her flailing body over my shoulder, kicked open...
L'amour

L’amour

It all began one night at an Irish pub called the Irish Pub.  Clever Irish. I ended up holding a pint of Snake Bite given to me by a bartender with an accent he’d been using to get himself laid since ’82.  Robby was leaning on a high table eating...
The One

The One

The One   I keep hearing her say my name with an adorable childlike French accent.  She is not French but that doesn’t stop her from using the language to twist me into a braid.  She wasn’t what I would consider my type.  I know you might be thinking, she...
Heartbreak in the Modern World

Heartbreak in the Modern World

Heartbreak in the Modern World     Heartbreak is just a ball of loss coated with nuts. In the beginning I said, “You erase the past for me.”  Now I’m erasing the past for myself, tossing photographs of us in the virtual trash on my laptop.  In this modern world...
The Dopamine Highway and Dating

The Dopamine Highway and Dating

Dopamine Highway and dating     She drugged me!  It’s not like she slipped me a Roofie.  It wasn’t quite that sinister.  But still, the chemical release of dopamine is a powerful manipulator that can be held responsible for every relationship I’ve ever hypnotically entered like an addict tipping into...
The Name

The Name

  the name     My friend and I were out at a bar in West Hollywood.  We started at different ends and worked toward the middle.  We caught up after an hour and she starts harassing me.  ”Why is it?”  She asks, “That I can hang out in a bar and seven girls...
One Night

One Night

One night   Not everyone likes the one-night-stand.  In the lesbian world, a one-night-stand is the opening night of a long-term relationship.  In the gay world, it’s just Tuesday.  I was out at a club.  I’ve tried clubbing at home, but there are always the same girls hanging around trying...
In THE PINK

In THE PINK

In the Pink     I once was a famous poet.  No harm there except the usual, an inflated sense of self importance.  I thought I was the best poet that ever graced the stage, proscenium, or living room.  I would read anywhere.  One time I read poetry in a...
Love and the Break-up Queen

Love and the Break-up Queen

Love and the Break-up Queen The Breakup: A)  Severe death. B)  Loss of false identity. C)  Heart drawn and quartered by ravenous ferrets. D)  Puncture.  Quick loss of oxygen. E)  Bloodletting, Leeches. F) Forgiveness.  I know, Fuck is usually the answer. G)  Division of assets you never had which now...
Natasha

Natasha

NATASHA I always saw Natasha in bars.  She was a Grammar School teacher but I never hung out at Schools so I had to take her word for it.  Because of her stunning dark eyes, intense dimples and perfectly placed smile, I would forgive her for the way she was...
Two Blonds

Two Blonds

Two Blonds  I met Kami and her friend Bridgette at a Gay Film Release party, therefore I assumed they were both gay and ready to be released.  Bridgette was six feet tall, blue eyed, and freckled sporadically.  She was big boned and surprisingly sexy wearing hotpants without seeming to know...
Frenchie

Frenchie

I hadn’t been out to a bar in a year, since the Frenchie dumped me.  Well she didn’t dump me exactly.   She let me go.  She gave up her option.  I was suddenly a free agent without any representation.  Sure, when I was with Beatrice there were plenty of women...
Planes

Planes

I’m walking along the ocean with my two golden retrievers. I pass this woman. “They’re off a little late today.” She says, referring to the plane that is taking off over the ocean. I look up, startled that this princess is speaking directly to me.  Ringlets of auburn hair drape...
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Liquid Lunch

Liquid Lunch

  Liquid Lunch   I picked up some magazine to see Alanis Morissette was gracing the cover.  I waved it in front of Lee, then smacked it down on the table in front of her so she could take a good look. “I miss Rain.”  I said as I slumped down in my seat. “This...
Cali and P-Town

Cali and P-Town

Cali in P-Town   I once flew to Province town to get laid.  I lived in Los Angeles most of my life, yet suddenly found myself craving the kind of intimacy that can only be found with an East Coast stranger.  I had some absurd fantasy the women on the eastern seaboard would be erudite,...
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